three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
