New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
