Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
