Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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