So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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