I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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