So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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