He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
