Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
