He kissed a someone with a penis
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
