So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
