Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
