The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
