too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
