I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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