I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
