People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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