A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
