I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
