Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
