Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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