We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
