Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
