I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
