so explain again why im purple
no
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
