if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
