return my video game
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We are all done wearing pants today
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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