I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
