jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
