it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
