so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
