end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
