i think my mom watched the whole time
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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