She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
