yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
