Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
