I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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