Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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