Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
