Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
