We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
