these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm like, not good at living.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
