in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
