Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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