I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
