If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
