My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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