my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
pray to the hookup gods
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
