Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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