??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Randomize
