hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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