Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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