Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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