I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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